Angry Asian Post: 22 Habits of Negative Nancy

One of my best friends recently shared a post on her Facebook page titled “22 Habits of Unhappy People.” Since I can’t resist click bait titles, I read it and was alarmed at how many of the habits applied to me.
may-you-have-at-least-2-days-of-unhappiness-for-every-single-day-you-post-your-100happydays-bullshit-f491f
I’m officially an unhappy person. Let’s look at the list, shall we?

1) Chronic complaining.

Yup. This. Is. Me.

I live to complain. I grew up in a family that never had a good word to say about anyone or anything. All we ever did was judge and criticize and complain about EVERYTHING. We’d watch tv and it’d be non-stop heckling at the screen. We’d go to concerts or shows and my parents would badmouth everything about the performance. We’d go to restaurants and pick apart each meal literally and figuratively, pointing out all the flaws of each dish even as we’d be cramming it into our mouths.

2) Retail therapy.

I’m a cheapskate so I don’t do this very often. I admit that on particularly heinous days, I will make myself feel better by buying a new sweater or pair of shoes.
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3) Binge drinking.

Say what? The article states that alcohol is a depressant? I did NOT just read that.

4) Worrying about the future.

Stop playing. Everybody does this! It’s totally normal.

5) Waiting for the future.

Ok. I’m guilty of this one. This is what the article says:

When you are in high school, you think you will be happy when you graduate. Once you’ve graduated, you think you will be happy once you land a good job. Once you have the dream job, you think you will be happy when you are married. Next you think you will be happy when you have kids. Once you have kids, you think you will be happy when they move out of the house. Next it will be when they have kids. Before you know it you will have spent your entire life waiting for events to bring you happiness just to realize life (and happiness) has passed you by.

I’m constantly thinking about “tomorrow” “later” “the weekend” “the next holiday” “the next vacation” in order to get myself through the hideousness of “now”.

6) Lack of hobbies.

My job, cleaning and watching tv are not hobbies. Huh. No shit, Sherlock. I’d give up the first two gladly. Just drop off my twenty million dollars and my man-servant, thankyouverymuch. Then I’ll pick up a hobby. After I binge-watch some more Netflix.

7) Eating poorly.

Bwahahahahahahahaha.

Obviously.

8) Thinking poorly of others.

If judging were an Olympic sport, I’d be gold medalist. I, Judgy McJudgerson, am judging you at all times.

9) Holding grudges.

I don’t do this so fuck you, list-writing person!

10) Stop learning.

My brain can’t handle any more information. I’d rather pull my toenails out with pliers than compute new data.

11) Not following through.

This one hits me hard. I never follow through. I eventually quit everything (or I don’t even bother starting). Just ask the husband how many times I’ve told him that I’m going to join a gym.

12) Hating your job.

This is a tough one for me. As many of you know from reading this blog, I constantly question what it is that I want to do with my life. Am I just being a vapid, flaky lazy-ass or should I pull the plug on my misery and find something else to do? Do I need to suck it up or shut it down?

13) Loneliness (how you choose to socialize)

I’ve become a goddamn hermit. I hate being around people. I used to love going to parties, going out to dinner, being with human beings. Now, as soon as I’m done work, I high tail it home where I’m safe and unbothered. I spend way more time on social media than I should, where I wait with baited breath to see how many likes I can get on posts and photos in order to validate my existence and make me feel better about myself. The irony is that constantly being on social media is making me feel super shitty because look at how beautiful and perfect and fanfuckingtastic everyone’s baking, food, families, clothes, bodies, houses, vacations, jobs, blah blah blah, is.

14) Letting negative thoughts enter your mind.

I only have negative thoughts in my mind. You know that by reading this blog.

15) Jumping to conclusions.

One Christmas, many years ago, I bought a light-up plastic sled from the Dollar Store and plugged it in my office at work. One day, I forgot to unplug the damn thing and went home for the weekend. I woke up in a panic at 2 am, remembered the sled, and was certain the building was burning down. I mean, the fucking thing was made in China. Hell, it would probably spontaneously combust even without being plugged in! I couldn’t fall back asleep and the next morning, I immediately texted my coworker, who I knew was working that weekend, to unplug it for me (that is, IF the building was still standing).
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16) Magnification (blowing small things out of proportion)

You have no idea how many times I let small things absolutely devastate me. See above at paragraph 15.

17) Minimization (taking your problems and not dealing with them)

I have a problem/project/file that I need to work on?

Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalala if I ignore you, you don’t exist!

18) Self labelling.

I tell myself that I’m a piece of garbage all the time. When I fail, it’s because I suck. I should’ve known/done better and it’s because I’m me that I screwed it up.

19) Not having a goal.

Is “making it to the end of today” a goal?

20) Worrying what others think.

Oh God, I’m sure that person over there is looking at me and thinking that I’m a fat ugly cow who can’t dress herself. Aaaaarrrggghhhh I just sounded like a total idiot in front of the judge, court staff and a room full of my colleagues and I’m sure they exploded in laughter as soon as I walked out of the courtroom. Waaaaaaaah I took fifteen minutes to parallel park into that spot like fucking Austin Powers and every person who was waiting for me in traffic is shooting death glares as they drive by.

21) Let strangers effect your mood.

When people don’t thank me for letting their car in front of me or some jackass cut in line or some jerk bumped into me and didn’t say sorry, I stew over it for hours. I then stage elaborate revenge plots in my brain. That’s totally not normal.

22) Wanting more money.

I always think that I need to make more money because it would guarantee security and I’d be happier. Why do I never heed the wise words of the late, great Notorious B.I.G. and recognize that “mo’ money mo’ problems”?

Ok, which one of you assholes wrote this list with me in mind? It might as well be called “22 Habits of Negative Nancy”.

Back in October, I was working 12 hour days for a few weeks in order to meet a deadline. I was so goddamn miserable. I was irrationally angry, even more so than I usually am. I was tempted several times to run people over with my car. I would actually audibly grumble under my breath like a crazy person. I stopped smiling (really). I couldn’t sleep. At one point, I was throwing papers around in my office and kicking the recycling box over.

I felt like a lunatic. Like I was being sucked into a deep, dark, dank pool of blackness and I didn’t even want to climb out.

Calgon, take me away. And by Calgon, I mean the mental health authorities.

This teaches me a lesson.

I really need to break the cycle of negativity in my life. I need to focus on the positives. I need to stop complaining and start doing. I need to step away from the computer and start interacting with human beings again. I need to be kinder to myself and to others.

Or

I need to stop clicking on my friends’ Facebook posts… unless it’s a link to a video of puppies snuggling with kittens.

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57 thoughts on “Angry Asian Post: 22 Habits of Negative Nancy

  1. Positives: You BAKE like a mofo (uh, that’s a freaking hobby so bake some more!), you have mad style and can rock the red lipstick and short hair (not everyone can, yo), you are married to a wonderful man, you have Abby, you have a genuine way of expressing yourself through words, even though you hate your job, you have a job and are making money and are supporting yourself!!! and you are a homeowner and have a roof over your head. Like you said, focus on the positives. . and hey, Christmas is around the corner.. you’re not allowed to be negative or angry for at least the 45 days leading up to Christmas. . and after Christmas. 😛 love you! let’s do Chicago next year!!! Seriously. (with Paula and Amy).

    • You’re right. This is the best time of the year. I’m always freaking happy around the holidays! I’ll save the angst and whining for January 😉 All kidding aside, I know that I’m a super lucky lady, especially since I have amazing supportive fabulous friends like you. My goal for 2015 is meeting up with you, Paula and Ames. Woot woot!

  2. Omg Nancy! This is too hilarious! You aren’t really this way… are you??? No I don’t believe it. ^^What Alice said!!!^^ And hey, admitting you have a problem is the first step, so there’s something positive! 😀

    • Lol, there’s the silver lining! I can always count on you to have a bright, positive outlook, Allie 🙂 I’m seriously a half-glass-empty kinda gal. The Husband tells me all the time that I’m super negative! My new years resolution will be to start looking at the world with rose coloured glasses.

  3. Oh Nancy dear, how i miss reading your blog and thanks for pouring everything out. I hope you’re all feeling better now. On a positive side, you’re one kick-ass baker and full of sweet comments. Don’t let work control you and always know that you have your blogger buddies who care so much about you, especially me! 🙂

    • Linda! We haven’t chatted in forever – how are you doing, my friend? This blog is totally my free form of therapy. Thanks for always reading and sending me such sweet, supportive comments!

  4. I’ve seen that 100 happy days hashtag but never had any idea what it meant – OMG. oh nancy!! what if you quit the horrid, pain-filled job and went to pastry school for fun/enjoyment/obsession, or just got a job at a bakery, or opened your own tiny cafe somewhere? i know these are insane things to think about – the job offers security, you’ve worked super hard to become a lawyer, maybe there’s an Asian thing going on there too that keeps you from quitting ….? (i think that wanting more money thing might have to do with it … dreams of gold mountain, Fook Look Sau, prosperity, etc etc) i think these posts you write are good though, they are therapeutic, and they let you know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE in your thoughts! i’ll give you a lil taste of reality: i’m sitting here in black FLEECE PANTS that were hand me downs from my mom, a days-old jean shirt, unwashed hair and trying to sift through and organize mountains of toys, dirty dishes and my computer desk which i can barely see the screen there’s so many bills/paper/receipts. it’s been 2 years (ha) that i’ve been saying “oh yeah i’ll go to the gym today.” i really think the source of the insanity is that crazy ass job – the clients you work with and described to me – egads. it’s no wonder you feel like the world is inhumane and full of misanthropes, greed and idiocy. oh nancy i don’t know! i’m just shitting out my thoughts here – but just know that so many of us fellow online pals support you, and want what’s best for ya!!! so snuggle abby and take 5 deep yoga-ish (without the lululemon pants) breaths for now … xo

    • Lyndsay, you’re living the dream! A sweaty, dirty, cake-filled dream! Ugh, the Asian thing sucks. I wish I weren’t so damned responsible and practical. I blame my career as the source of all my despair but what if it isn’t? What if I’m just a vapid rolling stone, destined to move from one dissatisfying job/career to another? Gaaaaah! Ok, time to take those five deep yoga-ish breaths. Let’s get together soon for another pigging-out gabfest.

  5. Was I wrong for laughing too hard at this post? I swear your humour is wonderful. And as much as I laughed at each point…. I STILL can’t EVER view you as negative! One thing is for sure….truly, be kind to yourself! Nancy, you’re awesome!  Please remind yourself of this daily on my behalf 😉

    Lyn

    Sent from my Samsung Galaxy smartphone.

  6. Oh Nancy! I’m so sorry but this post is hilarious! I just love angry people, they make me smile 🙂 I can be pretty angry myself. I recognize myself in some of those points 😮
    I don’t think you’re such a negative person! You bake like crazy and you’re always so sweet 🙂 That’s not a habbit of an unhappy person, is it? 😀

    • Sarah, sometimes I truly revel in my bitter, vengeful, burning anger and I’m so glad that you appreciate it! I love angry people too (to a point). Sometimes I chat with people who never get riled up or passionate about anything and it drives me nuts! It’s like, have an opinion! Swear a little! Raise your voice! It does the body good 😉 Thanks for the awesome comment – it totally made me smile.

  7. Um, I find the irony here a little amusing. Let’s see, you write an angry post at how angry you are all the time. I must echo our mutual friend, Alice, above me. For me, it boils down to this: you almost always find humor in your complaints. That’s something not everybody can do. Keep the chin up and proceed forward!

    • I’m such a jerk – I make fun of everything. If I didn’t find the humour, I’d drown in the darkness. DB, thanks for being such a good friend to me and for always checking in!

    • Kayle, I can’t imagine you and Michael being as “dark ‘n twisty” (to borrow from Grey’s Anatomy) as me. You guys are just the cutest, sweetest couple ever! If you suffer from these unhappy habits, I’m sure the episodes are few and far between! Love ya, girl.

  8. Unfortunately I can relate to a few of these points 😦 but you are right we have to focus on the positives! Everything Alice said: you already have a great hobby you are kickass in, so incredibly kind to everyone and a sweetheart! I do agree on limiting the computer…I struggle myself to stay off fucking facebook coz so much of my time and life is wasted there.

  9. So I actually had my eyes glued to the screen as I read this and tried to complete an Insanity workout at the same time this morning (bad idea, btw). I really couldn’t stop reading, and do you know why? Because it’s all so true, true, true! I’d love to say that the person who wrote this is just a Debbie Downer who’s been stalking you for a lifetime, but probably the only reason this list can exist in the first place is because people will actually identify with most (if not all) of the items on it. It sounds like it’s just a matter of degree at this point: I judge, I worry, I blow my self-esteem up several times a day with sticks of metaphoric dynamite. The fact that I’ve been single basically all of my life with zero exception confirms that I am the world’s most unwanted individual. I could type out tons of brutally honest self-perceptions I have here, because ranting is therapeutic and relieving and everything. But I also find that writing in particular serves as a way to solidify and affirm our thoughts: if I’ve written it down, surely it’s because that’s the way I truly feel and it won’t ever change? I loved loved loved this post just as much as I love you, which is why I’m going to challenge you to write a post that focuses on one important happy thing 🙂 maybe that’s something you need to find, or maybe it’s Abby (I’d LOVE to read about Abby, btw!!), but I would love to see how you feel after writing about it. Who knows, right? Anyway, sending all my immense love your way, girl! Talk soon! ❤

  10. Honey, everyone has all of these habits – they just cluster in different orders on different days……..Seriously. You know those Positive Pollys? That person at work who finds something positive in everything? Ask their family members if they are positive at home- they will more than likely tell you no. The only difference is that when they were growing up, their family wore a happy mask in public. You grew up in a family that let it all hang out! I grew up in the former……….I’ve also had ulcers off and on since I was a teenager so it’s really better to rock it all out in the open, trust me! However, as far as no hobbies are concerned………..you are one of the funniest damned writers whose prose I have ever read! You really need to find a way to package all this humor for a book – you know, The Angry Asian girl! 🙂

    • Kelli, your comments just reinforce what I already believe – you can’t trust overly positive people! They’re totally hiding something. Like when someone is TOO polite and perfect, they’re probably a serial killer. You and I would get along so well in person. Too bad we’re not closer to each other! This Angry Asian girl could hang out with the Old Lady Posse – we’d drink, eat ‘n curse and have a grand ol’ time! Thanks for you awesome comments as always!

  11. Completely agreed on the FB social media thing. Another smart friend of mine (Harvard grad etc) told me about an article which states something to the effect that on FB most people post what is fabulous in their lives…So yes it’s hard for this Ninja Baker sometimes to keep swimming in her lane…As for you confession to judging. Gee, I don’t see you as hyper critical of others – only yourself…Of course, I relate to all the traits, too and am game also to focus on the cup as half full and look for those cuddly kitty and Abby doggy posts =) ….BTW Doesn’t it take a heck of lot of follow up to be a successful lawyer like you?

    • For you, dearest Kim, I promise puppy posts in the future! And you should never feel critical of yourself. You are one of the best people I know and I’m proud to call you a friend.

  12. Ugh! These posts are done to make us feel bad about our “flaws” but we are all just human! I must say, your humour is right up my alley though! You’re awesome and like you say we gotta be positive cause these things can SUCK you in!!

  13. I identify with so many of these, too. But #15 just made me chuckle. Says the girl who recently left the oven on FROM FRIDAY NIGHT TO MONDAY MORNING. No, the house did not burn down. But seriously, how did I not notice that in TWO AND A HALF DAYS?

  14. How in the hell did I miss this post?? I was just on my email getting ready to email you to say hi because I missed your posts and here is this one! Am I a terrible person if I was laughing reading this?! You are just hysterical the things you write. Hopefully you’re not saying “F$&! You!” Out loud to me right now!
    I struggle with some of those things myself-I complain wayyyy too much and I read that article myself!!!

    Can I just tell you what I love about you and why you aren’t as horrible as you think you are?!!
    You are hilarious as hell.
    One of the sweetest, kindest people I’ve “met”.
    You are an AMAZING baker.
    You write like the best of them.
    You are incredibly intelligent and I admire you.
    You are realer than most people which I LOVE about you.
    Your posts ALWAYS make me smile, so you are not nearly as bad as you think you are.
    I look forward to your posts and miss you when I don’t see them, case in point why I was about to email you!

    Oh and I hate Facebook too…exactly why I call it FAKEBOOK. I use it mainly for posting my recipes, but my personal page gets very little posting now.

    • Brandi, you’re the sweetest! Thank you so much for thinking of me and being so supportive (even though I don’t always deserve it!). My heart hasn’t been in baking and blogging lately, which is why I’ve kinda dropped off the face of the planet. I haven’t been reading any of my favourite blogs (like yours) so I apologize for that. I plan on catching up with all the amazing recipes I’ve missed in the past few weeks. And YES, Fakebook is the perfect way to describe it! So many people use it to brag about how perfect and fabulous their life is, even though I know it isn’t 100% true. I just can’t help but get sucked into the competitiveness and petty jealousy of it all. Time to get my jingle bells on and just be happy and grateful over the holiday season! Then I’ll be back to my grumpy self in January 😉

  15. NUMBER 9!! I laughed out loud. We all have a little bit of these habits in us, but you’re absolutely right–you’re FAR too hard on yourself. Don’t have hobbies? Pssssssh–what do you think baking a bad ass triple layer cake and blogging about it is? You’re a judger mcjudgerson that complains all the time? Pshaw! You have been so kind, encouraging, and refreshing in my life. And hey, you’re still learning the important stuff, like how to make the best buttercream frosting. Who cares about all that other knowledge? All this to say, I love you and you are way more awesome than you think you are.

    • Lol – I’m glad I was able to make you laugh! As for me being kind, encouraging and refreshing in your life, it’s all an act 😉 I’m kidding – you’re such an amazing friend to me, you bring out the best in me. Love you long time, Courtney!

  16. You lady are far to hard on yourself. However, many on this list I completely feel you. Let’s start a support group. Should we send daily encouragement texts to each other? I think that’s a good thing. I can’t promise videos of puppies with kittens but how about just an adorable puppy? Will that work?

    Seriously though, it’s tough. I’m there with you about being in a job you hate. I leave every morning with a big weight on my shoulders and just shuffle throughout the day thinking is it 6 yet?

    • Gaaaaaah, that awful feeling of “is this day over yet?!” I know it so well. I’m so glad that your cookie business is blowing up – you deserve every ounce of success that’s coming your way. Like I said, when you become a cookie empire (and I know it’s bound to happen) I’m moving to NYC to become your vice president…or janitor. Or anything in-between!

  17. This is seriously the best post ever. Normally a list like this would make me feel terrible about myself, but somehow, you had me laughing out loud! I do think a lot of these are just human habits, though. (I hope so for my sake, too). And I agree with the other sentiments here. Your humor is a great quality!

    • Lol – thanks, Natasha! The first time I read the list, I really did feel terrible about myself. But I went back, read it a second time and realized that these can apply to anyone and everyone. These damn lists are designed to make us feel crappy and I ain’t having none of it! Thanks for the comments, my friend.

  18. Nancy, you are funny. And I don’t believe you are judging me at all times lol!! Your comments on my blog are always the best. I went to a women’s conference in September and there was an AMAZING session about positivity. I wish I had it recorded. I think everyone falls into the negativity trap, whether it be for an afternoon or (heaven forbid) years. I know I struggle sometimes. Here are some of my notes:

    “No misfortune is so bad that whining about it won’t make it worse.” -Jeffrey R. Holland

    Can you go 24 hours without making a negative comment? (I tried this and failed. But I really like the focus that it gave me, for the few hours that I lasted.)

    Make an effort to turn complaints into statements of commitment. Easier said than done. For example, I complain to Eric about Charlotte’s attitude. Instead of this, I should focus on things I can control: I can turn commonly unpleasant activities (brushing teeth, finishing dinner) into a game instead of a battle of wills. I can be sillier with her. After all, she gets her attitude straight from me, so if I stop having an attitude with her, then she will respond accordingly. “Complaining does not work as a strategy.”

    When you are serving other people, you don’t have as much time to complain. And you will be less likely to anyway.

    “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
    ― Thomas A. Edison

    “Stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight.”
    ― Gordon B. Hinckley

    The speakers main talking point was this Huffpo article, “Habits of Supremely Happy People,” taken from a Ted Talk: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/16/happiness-habits-of-exuberant-human-beings_n_3909772.html

    Those are my notes. In general though, when I start feeling grouchy, my best strategy is to get outside and away from All The Screens.

    I hope I haven’t overloaded you Nancy. I’m really glad you shared this post, it’s comforting to know I’m not the only one who struggles with these things.

    • Karen, this is the most amazing comment anyone has ever left on my blog (sorry to everyone else reading this – I love you all equally! But maybe Karen a little bit more 😉 I need to print all of these quotes out and surround myself with them. You definitely have not overloaded me – I really appreciate you taking the time to write all of this. Sounds like it was a pretty awesome conference you attended! We could all use more positivity in our lives.

  19. Nancy you’re too funny!And I don’t believe that you need to think in those terms…look at you…an amazing baker with a decent career, a lovely family in your hubby and Abby, you look amazing and have a funny personality (at least your posts say that to me :))..I would love to be in your company and would love to meet you in person sometime hopefully!!So forget these negative points and focus on all that you have my friend.xoxo

    • It would be so amazing to meet in person, Soni! With so many blogging events, I’m sure it’ll happen someday…hopefully sooner rather than later! You’re right – I have so much to be thankful for. Whenever I start whining, I try to remind myself. Thanks for being a fantastic friend 🙂

  20. Hey Nancy, I’m with you, the world definitely needs more snugly kittens & puppies!

    As for the above, I definitely get it. I think I was at that place (perhaps) 5 years ago and I can only be certain of one thing, it eventually passed one day.

    Thanks for sharing the highs & lows, it takes a lot of courage to share with people xo

    • Thanks, Alice! I’m sorry to hear that you were in a negative frame of mind five years ago but very glad to hear that it passed. I’m crossing my fingers that it won’t take me another five years to get out of this funk! How are you feeling? I was so excited to hear about your big news on the blog a few weeks ago. I hope everything’s going great and that you’re gearing up for the holiday season!

  21. You are hilarious, Nancy!! You entertain me with every.single.post you write. Since I’ve met you in person, I know you are far from a Negative Nancy, though agree that we all need more time snuggling with puppies! xoxo

  22. Oh Nancy you are too funny and I’m sure way less negative in person than you give yourself credit for. I also identify with SO MANY OF THESE. If it makes you feel any better, I feel like I’m starting to enter hermit stage at age 24! I seriously find most parties so unappealing these days. But I’m crossing my fingers that we’ll both find amazing jobs that we love someday and everything will be rainbows and sunshine and unicorns–either that, or that someday we’ll be able to meet up and talk you-know-what together, because that is THE MOST FUN! Happy Thanksgiving, loveliest of ladies!!! ❤

    • Lol, 24 is far too young to start becoming a hermit! I highly doubt that’s true, especially with all the amazing, kick ass dinner parties you throw. I’m actually pretty darn negative but I always try to find the humour in life, so that’s a silver lining. Thanks for the lovely comments as always, Erika!

  23. Oh my god Nancy! I LOVE everything about this! I love how you changed the name of the title to reflect you too!! LOL that’s hilarious. I think we could be negative Nancies together although I don’t think I’m as extreme as you but I’m sure you’d give me a real good laugh as I am right now typing this! #15 with the sled is hilarious. I’ve done plenty of those worrying which then turns into me worrying about a bitch ass boss calling or texting me on my off days to not do it again. Later to silently complain to myself about how my job doesn’t pay me enough to give two shits! hahahaha

  24. dude, are we the same person?! i think we’re personality twins yo! id invite you for lunch or coffee sometimes, but since we’re both hermits and hate people that might be a bit of a pickle. oh and #1 is the environment i grew up in too, my asian parents never said anything postive and everything they said was negative or to critique me as a person

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