That’s My Jam Thursday and An Angry Asian Post

I got it bad
You don’t know how bad I got it
You got it easy
You don’t know when you got it good
It’s getting harder
Just keeping life and soul together
I’m sick of fighting
Even though I know I should

Wouldn’t it be good to be in your shoes
Even if it was for just one day
Wouldn’t it be good if we could wish ourselves away
Wouldn’t it be good to be on your side
The grass is always greener over there
Wouldn’t it be good if we could live without a care

Wouldn’t It Be Good by Nik Kershaw (1984)

The words to this song always strike a chord with me. No matter how many times I tell myself that I’m damn lucky and fortunate to have my life (I truly am), things that seem devastating when they’re happening (yet in hindsight are truly insignificant) always fuck up my perspective. I feel sorry for myself, wish my life could be better, compare myself to others and convince myself that they’re happier because of X, Y, and Z. And I’ll fantasize about a different life, a happier life, a stress-free life.

My friends, this fantasy life does not exist. Every single person has stress and strife, trials and tribulations. It’s all a matter of degree. What will break you? What can you withstand? What can you survive?

I always thought the singer was being a bit facetious, as in he knows that this “other person” doesn’t have it any better yet we all sometimes yearn for the ability to “wish ourselves away.” Haven’t we all thought, at a particularly embarrassing or excruciating moment, “I don’t wanna be here no more…I don’t wanna be here no more…

I’ve been reading so much terrible news lately, it reinforces how lucky I am and how there’s an entire world full of people who are experiencing things that are the stuff of nightmares. It makes me sick. It makes me wonder why in the fuck humans are so goddamn awful.

A father murders his five children.

A mother assists her boyfriend in sexually assaulting her daughter from age 11 to 15.

Everything about the Ray Rice situation.

The leaked celebrity nude photos and how a very vocal group of (mostly) men don’t give a shit about the hideous invasion of privacy because all they care about is their ability to fap off to these photos.

Everything about Michael Brown and Ferguson.


The two men who were wrongfully convicted when they were just teenagers (and facing mental challenges) and spent 30 years in prison before being exonerated by DNA evidence.

This woman who told her groper to stop touching her and was viciously beaten.

This fucking idiot who (unbelievably) is a college student and feels that there’s too much emphasis being placed on MEN for NOT raping women.

Jesus Christ, how can we go on?
That's My Jam Thursday and an Angry Asian Post |
The Husband asks me why I constantly put myself into a state of rage and despair by reading the news. Sometimes I want to turn it off and remain blissfully ignorant. But I can’t. I feel like I need to do something. I’ve been researching what I can do in my community to start contributing and making a difference. I can’t just sit here, bitch about the world and do nothing.

Sorry this is such a bummer of a post. It’s kind of where my mind’s been lately. I promise I’ll be back with something happy and sugary soon!

31 thoughts on “That’s My Jam Thursday and An Angry Asian Post

  1. Whenever I see your “Angry Asian” posts I smile and picture my Son-in-Law ranting about something.

    I will offer a little “old lady” wisdom: Your husband is mostly correct – you must stop watching/listening to every single “news” report. First, news isn’t what it used to be. “Journalists” offer their own opinions or slant their reports as well as using words like “horrific”, “terrified”, and “incredible” when in reality those words suggest a situation is much more urgent than it is. For instance, our local news stations break in when there is a house fire…………I live in a metro area, such as it is, and it happens at least once per day. Fires happen. We don’t need to interupt TV like when a tornado is bearing down on our city.

    In the late Spring of 1995 I experience insomnia and anger issues. I went to the doctor who asked me, as a government employee and fellow Oklahoman, if I had been watching the news reports on the Murrah Building bombing. I said – Yes! Everything I could watch. She smiled and said she had seen nearly 1/2 her patients for the same problems lately. She also told me to stop it! Watch one report or news show per day and let that be enough. So I did. Guess what? I stopped snapping at everyone and I started sleeping again. She didn’t advise me to stop and become ignorant of what is going on, just limit it. She was right and so is your hubs.

    Love ya! Kelli

    • Thanks for the “old lady” wisdom, Kelli (even though you’re far from an old lady!). I always appreciate it because you are indeed a wise woman. I’m sorry to hear about the insomnia and anger issues but glad that you were able to treat them. I find that when I let go of burdensome things, I DO feel a lot better. There was a period of time where I was getting REALLY obsessed with blogging. It felt like an illness. I HAD to check social media constantly. I’ve actually cut down on all of that and I feel a lot better. I should take your advice and lay off the news a bit!

  2. Ugh, I know, the news is so depressing. It’s a scary world we’re living in. As a mom it’s tough because I fear for what my kids will have to face. But on the other hand, I just try to raise them right so hopefully they can deal, and maybe even make a difference someday. I think it’s great that you’re thinking about volunteering; take that frustration and channel it into something positive! Good luck sweetie 😉

    • Thanks for the thoughtful comments as always, Allie! I don’t have kids but I fear for my nephews, nieces and my friends’ kids. We can’t keep them in a constant state of fear and paranoia though so you’re absolutely right – we can only try and instil as many values, strength and confidence as we can and hope that they will make the right choices in life (and with luck avoid any major calamities!).

    • Hey, Wine Hedonist! Thanks for commenting! I just went and checked out your blog – you’re hilarious, dude! And you make me want to book a trip to Tulum. I totally agree about coconut water – it looks so cool when people are drinking the coconuts but they sure don’t taste good. “Peeved Asian” is a pretty good title, especially since I’m probably angry enough for the both of us! Can’t wait to read your post.

  3. I’ve been feeling the same way the past few months. The proliferation of news outlets is overwhelming and suffocating. The local evening news is the worst! I constantly wonder what kind of world my kids are going to grow into.

    Like Allie says, I just try to raise the kids the best I can so that they can think and make the right decisions and leave a positive mark on this world.

    It’s not easy…this world is crazy. 😦

    • Ugh, seriously, right?! Everything is murder, mayhem, torture, death, cruelty, misogyny, racism, poverty… We need more cute puppy ‘n kitten videos! Did you hear that there’s an airline that’s going to start playing videos of cute animals during their flights because it reduces people’s stress? It’s brilliant!

  4. I’ve been waiting for your rant post. I feel exactly the same way. Some of this stuff really does make me physically ill. I absolutely have to balance out my reading of the ugliness with stories of people doing good things in the world or else I’ll go crazy. Or at least stories about people standing up for themselves and using their voices to create change. I think you’ll appreciate this one about a Columbia student who is carrying her mattress with her around campus until her rapist is expelled from the schooled (It’s totally f-ed up that he hasn’t already been expelled but I love, love, love seeing women using creative ways to stand up for themselves rather than allowing themselves to be shamed into silence). Anyway, here’s the article- And maybe we should really talk about getting together and doing something about this–blogs have got some influence right? I’m sure we could put our heads together and come up with something!

    • Sigh…I still don’t feel like this post adequately express what I feel but it’s a start! Thanks for reading and for always being such a thoughtful commenter, Courtney. Yeah, I totally read about the student with the mattress! While it’s devastating that she was raped and her rapist is still attending the school, good for her for doing something that’s visible and can’t be ignored. I’d LOVE to do something with you on our blogs! I’ll message you.

  5. Stop watching the news! They sensationalize it for ratings. I will admit to turning on the local broadcast in the morning for the weather (I believe meteorological predictions are unreliable outside the next 36 hours) and traffic (i.e. stuff that impacts me) and ignore the rest.

  6. Nance–first off, I’m so utterly bummed I haven’t been keeping up you lately, lady! I’ll be sending you another email soon so we can chat, ho hum. Okay, now that that’s out of the way–this post totally strikes a chord, maybe not “personally,” per se, but rather more broadly. You’re so right to let these thoughts come out on your blog: honestly, I think that makes you a much more honest person than I am, because I would be a little scared (frankly) to rant on my blog. I don’t know what it is about it, but I do know I admire your honesty just as much as I admire the person who can keep a level head on their shoulders all the time (and let’s face it, that’s near impossible!). That being said, I am here to offer some canned-sounding but straight-from-the-heart words, which are this: I know you are an AMAZING person. I would not love you as much a I do now (and trust me, that’s quite a bit) if you were a perfect person who was just completely happy with everything. As it so happens, I was just rereading the Harry Potter series for the first time in six years and will leave you with this little quote that resonated:

    “Let me explain. The happiest man on earth would be able to use the Mirror of Erised like a normal mirror, that is, he would look into it and see himself exactly as he is…However, this mirror will give us neither knowledge or truth. Men have wasted away before it, entranced by what they have seen, or been driven mad, not knowing if what it shows is real or even possible. It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that. Now, why don’t you put that admirable cloak back on and get off to bed.”

    I adore you, Nance! Let’s talk soon!

  7. I get it. And I do agree with Kelli although I’m not always good about practicing her wisdom. I think at least once per week I say that I don’t want to live with humans anymore and would be much happier with dogs. But I know that what I’m hearing on the news are the aberrations and most people are OK. Or at least that’s what I hope. I’m more sure that most dogs are OK. 🙂 Now go find a half full glass. ❤

  8. Compulsive news watching after 9/11 sent my own sister into a depression tailspin that took a psychopharmacologist and therapy to break. I urge you to take Kelli’s advice and cut back on the news watching, Nancy! As others also pointed out, news is about ratings now and the more sensational they can make it, the better the ratings. That’s not to say that there aren’t actually a whole lot of bad things happening. Lord knows there are. But there are also a lot of positive people working to raise decent children, teaching honesty and integrity by example and trying their damnedest to make this a better world with less suffering, less abuse, less hatred, less homelessness, less hunger, less anger, less thirst, less need. And I could go on and on. I love that you are looking into ways to help out in your community. Choose something where you can see an immediate impact, rather than a long term project at first, even if it’s just ladling food at a soup kitchen. And report back! We want to hear how you are doing.

  9. I’m not gunna tell you to stop watching the news, as being informed is the bestest. Even if it’s to roll your eyes at the tabloid reporting of CNN. Information is power. But with every negative, soul-wrenching story I see, I think about how happy I am to be who I am and where I am. Because I know someone would give anything to change places with me.

  10. This is why I try not to read the news. Oh some stories you can’t avoid and they make you angry but then I do my best not to dwell on it. I keep telling myself, most people are dumb and they do stupid things or don’t think decisions all the way through. That’s my rationale behind it all.

  11. I hate the news. It is always the same. It is always about how horrible we are to one another, in one way or another, and you have to question – is there something in the water that is causing us to get sick? mentally sick and fuelling hatred of each other? I hate it just as much as you. Who can you trust in the world now?

  12. Nancy, you just wrote what I have been bitchin’ about to my co workers for months! Folks my age are constantly saying, ” The world has gone mad and flipped upside down.” When the aliens come, I’ll be raising my hand saying, I’m not with these people.

  13. I do believe my darling, Nancy, that you are angry because you’ve got a huge heart. And you’ve got so much compassion inside that tiny body of yours. You don’t like to see people suffer. Neither do I….What can I say? I look at you and I see a vibrant, smart, funny, talented baker with tons of friends who adore her. And a beautiful husband and furry baby with her own place…I look at you my friend and think you’ve got it made. But you’re right. We do all have our little sighs of “I wish..” Right now I wish for you peace…and a wonderful weekend!

  14. The news is depressing at times, but don’t let it get you down! I remember when I was younger when I was watching the news, why there was this one guy who had a 15 minute time-slot at the end of our local news station interviewing dogs or old happy couples, or people changing the community for the better. I’m not sure if that’s typical, or if it’s just that in our part of Canada there isn’t really much to report on, but it always made me feel like there was still hope in humanity. I would look forward to this guy at the end of the news showing me the bright side of life.
    And if all else fails, there’s always cat videos :p. Or cute pig videos: I mean, who wouldn’t want to live in a world with this pig?

  15. Although it’s always nice to read about sugary treats, sometimes these things need to be expressed and said. I have the same feelings as you, I just don’t express them. I think finding a way to be productive in one’s community is a proactive approach to changing things for the better, if only in a smaller way. I look forward to hearing about how you get involved with your community and hope you’ll inspire me to do the same thing. Keep writing Nancy, just by verbalizing these thoughts you’re creating change.

  16. I can absolutely relate – and yes love that song. It is depressing but the solution is not to ignore these facts but to strive to do something to make at least one person better, or raise awareness. At least that is how I see it. Ebola isawful – and turning off the news and ignoring it is not going to make it better. Talking about it, raising awareness about it that is what is needed. The world has been turning their backs on Africa for too long.

    Domestic Abuse is awful – terrible but here is the one good thing that comes out of it. It opens discussion. People talk about it – women talk about why they did not leave their abusers and hopefully those that are being abused or are in abusive relationships learn more about on how to escape…

    So for all of the bad – there is good that comes out of it…at least that is how i see it my friend xoxoxo

  17. It’s easy to get caught up in the news and wonder how people can do such terrible things and how we will raise children in a world like this, but I think there are just as many amazing things about humanity we just don’t hear about. I hope some amazing things come your way soon to bring your spirits back up!

  18. Oh Nancy, somehow I missed this post. BUT I totally feel and relate to you…today was one of those days that I just wanted to cry seeing how cruel humans are…how disgusting they are to the innocent. I just don’t understand it…BUT that is a good thing, or I’d be just as evil and insance. It is GOOD to feel anger and sadness, because that means we have a heart and hurt for others and have compassion. If it didn’t bother us, there would be a huge problem. With that said, I severely have to limit myself to what I expose myself to in the news because I am not one who can just brush it off. It deeply affect me and steals my joy….I just can’t watch the news or my daughter (almost 3) will see a really sad Mommy and she deserves more than that right now. There is a time and a place I will have to show and teach her real life, so she can understand what it feels like to have compassion, but for now, she doesn’t need to see Mommy sad, so I try to avoid it for the most part. Some of it I can’t escape with people on Facebook posting and sharing every single awful horror story. I’m just like, come on, stop posting it all the time! That is the negative side of social media….see, there have always been crazy asses out there doing these evil things, but it’s just that with social media, the very second it happens, it is BLASTED every where you turn every second of the day!!!
    But yes, do something, step out and do what you can. That is what I am doing. I am a voice for animals so to speak. I am a voice for people who are neglected or mistreated. I’ll be the person stepping in and standing up for somebody when everybody else is being cruel. I’ll be there to try to lift up somebody or show them compassion. I cannot sit and just be afraid to step out of my comfort zone…otherwise I am just as guilty.
    Hang in there girl….I honeslty think you are fabulous, one in a million and just want to give you a big hug. xoxo

  19. my dear angry asian – while i’m not blissfully ignorant, i do know what keeping up with the news does to me: it reduces me to tears and feelings of helplessness and anxiety. sometimes i want to destroy my blog, stupid twitter, everything, because i see no sense in it if the world’s going to shit! it’s an ongoing struggle. and then i forget about it after a while and go about making cakes or whathaveyou… until i’m reminded again! I HEAR YOU – you’re not alone in your feelings! i hope you can find some comfort away from the madness though – (i know your job is stressful too!) through abby, your husband, family, nieces and nephews, friends, and yes, BAKING. unplugging sometimes can feel really good… wishing you luck!!!

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