1) Women giving birth in the woods – obviously, because this is AS NATURE INTENDED. Yup. This is a new reality show for Lifetime. There really aren’t enough whyyyyyyyyyys for this.
2) They (and when I say “they”, I mean the minions of the underworld who exist only to make me want to quit this bitch called life) are holding auditions for an Ultra Rich Asian Girls reality show in Vancouver. I watched a trailer for this trainwreck and not only was it nauseating but even worse, it was boring. I don’t want to see a bunch of vain, vapid, disgustingly wealthy Asian Barbie dolls bitchin’ ‘n moanin’ about other vain, vapid, disgustingly welahty Asian Barbie dolls while driving around in their million dollar cars, wearing their designer clothes, and pretending to eat ridiculously expensive food. Who am I kidding?! I’d watch the hell out of this show!
3) I’m not American but I feel for my sisters down south every time I read shit like the Hobby Lobby decision. I can’t even form words because I’m frothing at the mouth. What century are we living in?! Why are women’s rights constantly being eroded?!
4) Devastating doggy deaths like those poor dogs who died from overheating at the Green Acre Dog Boarding kennel in Gilbert, Arizona. Or the story that gripped us in BC a few months ago, where a dog walker at first claimed that someone stole 6 dogs from her truck during her 5-minute bathroom break but it was later discovered by pet detectives (the totally badass and awesome Pet Searchers Canada) that they all died from heatstroke in the dog walker’s car. Abby, I’m never leaving you alone evaaaaaaaaaaah!
5) Hahahahahahahaha Robin Thicke and the #AskThicke Twitter debacle.
In other news: you guys, the internet broke me.
I won’t be posting as much in the next couple of months because (a) summer (b) I want to try living my life instead of staring at a computer screen in my spare time and (c) I’m tired and completely uninspired. I’m tapped. Drained.
I read a lot of blogs and I’m always on social media. The constant perfection that assaults my senses is really wearing me down. I can’t compete and right now, I don’t want to. I saw a dessert made by a dear blogger friend of mine that blew.my.mind. It was so perfect and the photography styling was so beautiful, it made me immediately think “yum” and then, “I quit. I can’t do it. I will never be at this stage. I’m a goddamn hack. An amateur. A poser.”
I was scrolling through my Instagram feed the other day and about 20 bloggers were posting photos of picnics. Perfect beautiful picnics artfully arranged on antique quilts, utilizing uber unique, vintage china and silverware that was rusted in all the right places and organized just so, the dishes piled with gourmet food, the salads made with only the trendiest, hippest vegetables, fancy patés, exotic fruit, cheese and charcuterie platters, wines that were surely made by monks and aged in centuries-old barrels in thousand-year-old castles, bespoke cocktails in dazzling colours lovingly held in mason jars as far as the eye could see. I was exhausted thinking about the time and effort to source all the materials, styling the picnic, timing the photo session to coincide with the perfect alignment of the sun in the sky so that its rays could hit that perfect 100-year-old tree in order to create photos that are sun-dappled with just the right amount of leafy shadows.
God, I’m a bitch. A jealous, tired, judgmental bitch. I’ve had it. I can’t keep up. And my brain. It never stops spinning. I always feel like I need to be doing something incredible and then I feel panicked and disappointed in myself when I don’t. So I’m gonna take a break, you guys. I need to rediscover life. What does it really mean? And if I don’t post it to Instagram and share on Facebook, does it even really happen?!
Do you follow Movita Beaucoup? If not, you need to. She will make your life. Her recent post on saying fuckitall and doing whatever the hell she wants on her blog in the name of FUN resonated deeply with me because I’ve been feeling this. It’s like she read my mind, glimpsed right into my soul. I want to be a part of Movita’s blogging revolution.
All of you incredible bloggers who make food that resemble works of art, I’m in total awe of you. I aspire to be you. But I know that I won’t so I’m embracing who I am. I’m tempted to change the name of my blog to “The Hot Mess Baker” because that’s what I am.
And I’m going to have fun doing it.
Here’s a bundt cake I made that tastes fan-fucking-tastic. The photos suck ass. I admit it. I actually threw all my photos into the virtual trash. But then I thought, it’s too damn tasty not to share. So I dug ’em out.
And I’m sharing. Because I love you. And I love cake. And the two of you should be together, always.
Chocolate Banana Walnut Bundt Cake (adapted from Ina Garten)
3 very ripe bananas, mashed
1/2 cup granulated sugar
3/4 cup light brown sugar, packed
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 large eggs, at room temp
1/2 cup sour cream
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
zest of 1 orange
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 cup cake flour
1/3 cup dark cocoa (plus extra for layering in the bundt pan)
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 cup coarsely chopped walnuts
1 cup mini chocolate chips
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Grease a bundt pan and coat it with a thin layer of cocoa powder.
In the bowl of a stand mixer or a large bowl with an electric hand mixer, mix the mashed bananas and both sugars on low speed until combined. With the mixer still on low, add the oil, eggs, sour cream, vanilla, and orange zest. Mix until smooth.
In a separate bowl, sift together the flour, baking soda, cocoa, salt and cinnamon. With the mixer on low, add the dry ingredients and mix just until combined. Stir in the chopped walnuts and chocolate chips. Pour the batter into the prepared pan and bake for 55 to 60 minutes, until a cake tester comes out clean. Cool in the pan for 20 minutes, turn onto a cooling rack, and cool completely.
Sigh. Just thinking about this cake makes me smile. It was super moist, intensely banana-y, not too sweet, with a great textural contrast from the walnuts and little pockets of chocolate that melted delightfully on the tongue. It stayed incredibly moist for the four days it took to finish eating it. Even straight out of the fridge (if that’s how you want to store it), it was soft. It’s a funny thing about palates – I couldn’t taste the orange zest at all whereas a friend of mine primarily tasted orange with just a vague banana afterthought. Either way, it’s delicious.