Random Crap and Gluten Free Peanut Butter Bars

I enjoyed my last Random Crap post so much (and judging by your comments, so did you!) that I thought I’d make this a regular series. I mean, one of the main reasons I started my blog was so that I could wax lyrical ad nauseam about all the crazy stuff I think about. Whether or not anyone reads my thoughts or even cares is just icing on my looney tunes cake.
Gluten free peanut butter bars
Anyone here read the blog Neighborfood by my friend, Courtney? If not, you totally should! I LOVE her blog, people. Every time I read her posts, I’m nodding in agreement with something she’s saying, I’m literally laughing out loud because she’s hilarious, and I’m drooling because everything she makes is ingenius and delicious (pizza fondue! copycat Red Lobster Cheddar Bay biscuits!). The girl almost got arrested for receiving a package of sugar (well, not really, but you have to head over to this blueberry buckle cake post for the awesome story). She recently brought to my attention in her Leftovers: March 2014 Edition post the existence of a Things I Don’t Do List, which bloggers are now compiling to combat the stress of the “Keeping Up With the Pinterests” phenomenon.

Everyone’s food/hair/makeup/clothes/houses/cars/jobs/bodies/children/husbands/existence look so amazing but really, we’re just seeing a tiny portion of people’s lives which have been highly stylized and selected for publication in order to make the rest of us feel disgustingly inadequate. Still, I constantly feel like I’m not as good as everyone else when it comes to, well, LIFE.

So, here’s a list of Things I Don’t Do:

1) I don’t do my hair. It’s never perfect. I use a two in one shampoo/conditioner instead of fancy spa shampoos that cost thirty bucks a bottle. I don’t blow dry it. I go to sleep with a head of wet hair and it looks like mangled road kill in the morning. Nothing tames it. Since I’m usually running around, completely flustered, my hair gets all sweaty and sticks to my face. Super hawtness.

2) I don’t budget. I’m terrible at arranging my finances. All I know is that I work, collect a salary, and somehow I’m able to pay my bills. Thank gawd that the Husband is on top of it. He’s always budgeting and calculating and planning. He could be secretly stealing all my money for all I know!

3) I don’t change the sheets as often as I should. For a woman who drools as much as I do, it’s not optimal.

4) I don’t speak Cantonese very well and this one really does bother me, me being Chinese ‘n all, living in a city swarming with my fellow countrymen. I can choke out some words to talk about food and the weather, but anything more technical than that, it might as well be astrophysics! Curse my younger self for refusing to attend Chinese school!

5) I don’t have any patience for children. None. Zero. I can’t even read to my nieces ‘n nephews for more than five minutes before I’m yawning. YAWNING! Visibly showing the child that I would rather be unconscious than spending precious quality time with them. Yes, I’m a monster. In that vein, here’s a video of Samuel L. Jackson reading the brilliant book, Go The Fuck to Sleep.

6) I don’t engage very much on social media (I rarely post on my Facebook or Google+ pages) but I don’t have any fucks to give about it right now because seriously, there’s only so much time in a day when you have a full time job (and your employer blocks social media on your work computer! Aaaarrgggghhhhh!), a Husband you should probably spend some time with and a dog who needs to be walked and fed and kept alive.

7) I don’t submit my photos to any of the food blogging photo sharing sites. I know, I know, I’m missing out on a huge source of readership, but will it be the quality that I’m seeking? People might come by to briefly check out the recipe, thus making my stats increase, but will I get the incredible engagement I currently get with my dear beloved readers such as yourselves? Who knows. But again, refer to the line about having no fucks in the above note.

8) I don’t have much of a filter meaning that in real life, I’m super loud, I make inappropriate comments, I say racist things because I’m a visible minority and when you’re a visible minority, it’s totally allowed, and I swear. A lot. I’ve been really toning down my language this past year and a half of blogging but I’ve been reading a lot of blog posts lately where the writer is being unapologetically, 100% themselves, curse words, inappropriate comments ‘n all. I admire that and I need to remember, this is my space. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to come here. But please, do come here. I want you to like meeeeeeeeeeeee!

I don’t watch SNL but I do watch sketches of SNL that other people post online immediately after (or sometimes during) SNL (thank you strangers!). Anna Kendrick guest-starred this past weekend and she was in a hilarious Little Mermaid sketch. Unfortunately, all the videos have been pulled off line so you’ll have to take my word for it.

I lost my shit over The Little Mermaid when I was a kid. I borrowed the VHS tape from my cousin after it was released on video and I watched it every day after school for about six months. I wanted Ariel’s beautiful long flowing red locks. Her hair is glorious. The best of all the princesses. Who cares that her waist is the size of my wrist and that it’s kinda weird how much boobage is happening in a movie being marketed to young impressionable souls?

She's only 16, people!

She’s only 16, people!

The REAL star of the show!

The REAL star of the show!

Prince Eric is the best looking Disney prince in my humble opinion. Then they released Aladdin, who is basically a brown version of Prince Eric.
Aladdin is basically Prince Eric.
See? It’s undeniable.

While I realize that Hans Christian Anderson’s The Little Mermaid is the stuff nightmares are made of, it would’ve been pretty rad if Disney stuck to the original material. She gets her tongue cut out in exchange for legs, which by the way, feels like a knife tearing her in half. She has gorgeous gams but it feels like a thousand blades are stabbing her feet when she walks, therefore causing her feet to bleed incessantly (sexy!). The Prince falls for a neighbouring princess who he believes saved his life and marries her. The Little Mermaid then must face death but would be saved if she stabbed the Prince to death. In the end, she’s like, homicide is whack, yo, and instead, flings herself into the water and becomes one with the air spirits. It would’ve taught a whole generation of little girls how to be truly selfless. Your life ain’t worth shit, girls, when compared to the life of a rich hottie.

Speaking of hot, Saveur’s nominations for Best Food Blog Awards 2014 are out and I was absolutely thrilled to see that the blog Two Red Bowls, written by my friend Cynthia, is one of the nominees for Best New Blog. She guest posted for me while I was gone with these gaaaaaaah-gous and delicious cranberry brie puffs. Her blog is amazing, her photography is top-notch, she’s a kick ass woman in and out of the kitchen, and she maintains her blog while holding down crazy hours as an associate at a NYC law firm. I’m so proud of her and I encourage all of you to go and cast your vote (you’ve only got a few more days. Voting closes on April 9th).

And speaking of April 9th (look at all of these smooth segues!), that’s the day my giveaway for Ruth Clemens’ book, Creative Eclairs, ends! Check out this post for the details.

Have you seen those incredible videos by the French coffee brand, Carte Noire? I know a lot of people lately have been railing against the term “food porn” but that’s the only way to describe these videos. There’s so much dripping, piping, melting, steaming, sticky creamy sweet liquids…gawd almighty, it’s almost obscene! I CANNOT tear my eyes away.

That is but only one example. More baby. Gimme more!

And gimme more of these gluten free peanut butter bars.
Gluten free peanut butter bars
I used this recipe for gluten free toffee and milk chocolate peanut butter cookies from Kayle, the Cooking Actress. Girl, these are serious business.
Gluten free peanut butter bars
I pressed them into a bar because I figured I’d have toffee, chocolate and peanut butter in my face faster if I didn’t have to shape cookies.
Gluten free peanut butter bars
And of course I topped them, fresh out of the oven, with no churn salted bourbon caramel swirl ice cream (a combination of this ice cream recipe and this caramel recipe on my blog). Have mercy. Sweet, chewy, sticky, chocolatey mercy.

My disgusting hair is sticking to my sweaty face. I need a cold shower now.

25 thoughts on “Random Crap and Gluten Free Peanut Butter Bars

  1. You and I are one and the same when it comes to random crap – one, my hair is permanently looking like utter bird nests. Two, I’m in love with Little Mermaid and often try to find youtube video mash ups of her and Aladdin.
    Three, I enjoyed your awesome shots of these bars, yum!

    Choc Chip Uru

  2. Ok I’m crying laughing at Samuel L – if me and Hungry Hubby were parents, we’d put this on tape and leave it next to our kids whilst we have a nervous breakdown in the lounge ;). And also, I will be forever scarred by the real Hans Christian Anderson’s version!!! OMG! I watched that movie on repeat when I was 12 too and I had no idea the original was so brutal! Hilarious post 🙂

  3. Nancy! Who was I rooming with then back at IFBC? You didn’t swear once .. or maybe you were bring on your best behavior 😛 I curse and swear under my breath. . what you have to do when there are kids around. Dude, I’ve never seen this “Things I Don’t Do List”!!! love this! yes yes we all need some reality in our lives. . and re: submitting to the food blogging photo sharing sites. . you’re not missing anything. hey, if you are enjoying what you’re doing (and you have the best group of loyal readers and friends!) then I say you’re doing something right! and I agree if we’re not being ourselves on our blogs. . then what the hell are we doing? Rock on, girlfriend.

  4. So a couple of I’m things, I’m with you on the budgeting (what budget, there’s money in the bank so I’m good), the sheets thing (oh god I can’t believe i admitted that) and children, although I think everyone knows I prefer my life CF. Can’t wait to meet you this summer girl, we are going to get along fabulously because sometimes I swear like a sailor too. Also we need to make sure we each bring sweets for each other because I need some of this in my life.

  5. Nancy, this was positively the best way to wake up! And I really did wake up to this. I actually read it in bed this morning (followed the pingback from my email) and I was laughing so hard I woke up the Mr. You are too sweet (and funny!) The more I read of yours the more I think we’re the same person. Changing sheets? SO BAD AT IT! Budgeting? I also depend wholly on the husband. Luckily we married good ones so they’re actually taking care of the money we aren’t paying attention to. (We hope!) I cannot wait to meet you in person finally this year. Let’s wear sweats and hang out with your matted/sweaty hair and my tangled fro hair and eat peanut butter bars together. Yes?

  6. LOLL Nancy you know who you sort of remind me of? The sassy lady behind PaleOMG. I find you both hilarious and entertaining. (But FIRST OMG THOSE PB BARS. The cookies Kayle made looked SOOOOOOOO good but I love the faster-vehicle-to-mouth method you used…especially with that drool-worthy ice cream!!) I was nodding (vigorously) along with so many of these–I also don’t do my hair (umm…maybe I should start when I start school again), I also think Ariel is a little ridiculously proportioned, I don’t budget (which is bad considering it’s just me), I don’t speak Mandarin as I probably should after taking Chinese school for 10+ years, and OH you just reminded me–I DESPERATELY need to change my sheets!! You are hilarious, lady.

  7. Hhahahah! I should not have read this on my work computer where it is not allowed to visit social media sites and I do anyway. I am dying over here and laughing out loud!! First of all, I LOVE your friend over at Two Red Bowls. I was so excited to see her nomination. I found her blog through you…when she guest posted!! And girl…do I need to change my sheets more often. I woke up this morning thinking that exact same thought bahahahah. And I wish there was enough time in the day to engage on social media, but I have given up on that. Twitter can bite me! Thanks for introducing me to NeighborFood!! I found a new awesome lady to follow 🙂

  8. Keep these posts coming!!! I love hearing about the inner workings of Nancy. I’m happy to know that I’m not the only loud one in a crowd without a filter. I forget to think before I speak. It’s a real disease. Squirrel is always nudging me, and I’m always ignoring him. Let’s not even talk about hair. I chopped mine all off so I wouldn’t have to fuss with it. I’m such a Tomboy. Yes, this sounds mean, but I kids annoy the hell out of me. I’m content for 5 minutes with my niece before I become bored and start drooling. I have a dog for this very reason. And the cat really doesn’t want anything to do with me, so we’re good.

  9. Oh my god. How are you so freaking awesome? First of all, I died laughing at all of the things you don’t do — GIRL. Every single time I wash my hair (especially, especially since starting work) I vow I’m going to actually straighten it. I’m like 10 minutes dude, 10 minutes! You have 10 minutes. Maybe just the ends? Maybe in the morning? … And then I go to bed and wake up looking like, like you said, roadkill. Sigh. And we don’t change our sheets either. (And you and me could prob have a drooling contest.)

    Let’s blame it on our jobs.

    And second, THESE BARS. They look SO GOOD. Ahhh and ice cream, and gooeyness and stickiness, and aaah. So hungry already. (Plus they’re gluten-free so they are like obviously zero calories. It’s just science.)

    And last, ahh I love you so much for that note about the awards. I zero percent expect to win, but with friends like you, (1) at least I won’t be last and (2) man I already won. (Ba dum chhh. That was pretty smooth, right?) Seriously, though, I don’t know what I did to deserve a friend as awesome as you, and pretty sure I don’t, so thank you a million for being my blog buddy. I may have said this already but it means the world. ❤

  10. I love your random crap Nance and for keepin’ it real (fist bump). I think I’ll do a “Things I Don’t Do” list….though it would have to be a series…um, something I don’t do.

    I can’t wait to meet you at F&W Conference… party in Nancy’s room!

  11. So funny, just loved this post!! You have to do more random crap!!! But those bars take me away to a heavenly little spot where I can indulge all my myself. Thanks for sharing!!

  12. Loved this. And I related to your “don’t” list. I didn’t have much patience for children…until I had one! It’s amazing how much I’ve changed! But I don’t do my hair (still) and I probably never will! Thanks for sharing and making me smile!

  13. I love these posts!!! And I totally wanna do an “I don’t” list! and I also have no filter and am loud and annoying lol. And I love The Little Mermaid (but when I first read the Hans Christian Anderson original I cried. I was sooo sad!)

    and girl! I didn’t know these bars were those cookies! THEY LOOK SO AMAZINGGGG! Good call my friend, good call

  14. That dessert is seriously sexy. I can relate to many of these, especially 4. I don’t hear Cantonese much these days and last weekend talking to my parents, there were so many grown up words that I simply had never heard before. My Cantonese is that of a 5 year old kid. Not even a savvy 5 year old. Just a stuck in the 1980’s 5 year old.

  15. bahahaha Nancy I love you!! Thank you for not filtering today. I second your lack of patience with children. I get my best sleep reading stories to my kids sometimes.

    PS Courtney is the best!

    PPS I went my entire freshman year of college without changing sheets. The. entire. year.

  16. Oh girl, I laughed SO HARD at this!!! Thoroughly entertained, as always. I love you for how real you are. I died laughing at the drooling on the sheets one….oh my gosh! Oh, and the no patience with children….lol! I was the EXACT same way before I had my daughter, and let’s just say, you have no choice but to learn patience with a child. The saying that “they will test your patience” is the truest damn statement of all eternity. Daily, I am tested and frustrated, but the hugs and kisses do make it better 🙂 Anyways, I love your blog, love reading it and love how funny you are. I don’t talk much on my blog about anything other than food and a little tid bits about my daughter and hubby….I’m so damn excited about a recipe everytime I post, that I just want to talk about the food and get to the recipe. Plus, there are a few choice people that I know read it (family members) that I don’t care to have them know too much, so for me, it’s best I stick to the food….otherwise I might get myself in trouble. Anyhow, love ya girl and don’t change! 🙂

  17. I don’t even know where to start, so let’s just go with, I adore you! How you keep up with everything that’s going on in your life is amazing. Who cares if your hair isn’t perfect or your sheets aren’t changed that often? What is often enough anyway? I gotta tell you that I like having fresh sheets for the weekend – I do not know why the weekend. It just is. – but if my husband’s been traveling all week, I don’t bother. I mean, his side’s still clean, right? Not that I actually move over to sleep on his side – don’t sleep as well on the wrong side – but it seems silly to wash when half of the sheets are still pristine. It’s my own strange logic. The only site I submit photos to is YumGoggle because it’s owned by my friend, Anita, and she accepts them all. I don’t mean because we are friends. I mean, unless your photo is truly, truly pathetic, out of focus, too dark to see the dish, she’s accepting it. Is that a cop-out because I’m not risking rejection and GROWING from the experience. Yeah, probably. I’m growing right here on my own, moving to new cities, new countries and finding my way around and making friends. What photo site editor can do/has done that?! Huh? Huh? I double dare them to try. Sorry. Deep breath. Anyway, you are awesome. Way more awesome even than Ariel, and I know that because I have watched it a gazilliontrillion times with my daughters and can recite the dialogue and sing along with the songs, even after all these years. It gets in your brain like a very long earworm. Like an ear snake!

    I love that you made bars out of Kayle’s cookie dough. You not only are smart, you think smart!

  18. Hahaha yessss! I DON’T BRUSH MY HAIR. I know that sounds crazy and gross, but I don’t. I own one hairbrush, and it hasn’t been out of the linen closet in years. I swear, my hair REVOLTS if I brush it with anything more than fingers.

    And having no patience for kids? I got the heebie jeebies just reading about YOU reading to nieces and nephews.

  19. I loved this post and agreed with so much you said! I never do my hair in the morning because I just go to school to sit in an office all day where no one sees me and then go home. My hair is lucky if I at least comb it before I walk out the door. I’m with you on the budgeting and sheet changing too, and I am so bad at keeping up with my blog in general but especially social media – it’s so much more time consuming than you’d think and lately I’ve realized if I don’t have time to do it then it’s not worth stressing about because those aren’t the parts of keeping a blog I signed up for anyway! Also the little mermaid clip still seems to work here, I loved that one too! http://dailypicksandflicks.com/2014/04/06/snl-the-little-mermaid-skit-video/

  20. So this is kind of the perfect first post for me to read on your blog. Pickled peppers, we think alike! What about the fact that in some of the first illustrations of the Andersen version of The Little Mermaid, the mermaid and the prince look like they’re 5 years old? Talk about messed up! I’m actually writing my dissertation prospectus and seriously considering including this tale and its Disney version as a case study for my research on children’s lit adaptations, sooo we should have a serious discussion about this. Oh, and your wriitng is straight up fantastigreatwesome, so keep it up. Oh yeah, and DAT PB BAR. Yum……

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